Plumbing reached a hysterically funny new low at the Muong Chanh Hotel, Lai Chau, Vietnam. Just to clear the record, no one has ever referred to me as a “Princess” and I’m as at home peeing behind a bush along the road…squatting over holes… as sitting on a” white throne” in an average Western-style bathroom.
I’ve puked alongside a major highway in Pakistan while semis stopped to watch me… stayed in a Chinese dump where the toilet hole was cut into a 3-foot high, raised marble slab and a person had to lay on their back with butt in hole to use … learned how to use and cope with an all-in-one shower. One of these usually has a wall shower head located between the toilet and sink without a shower curtain or shower door to keep the water from spraying all over the entire bathroom. Remove toilet paper before using! But just as we learn to adapt, there is always another new experience waiting around the corner.

This particular “corner” occurred at the Muong Chanh Hotel in Lai Chau. The hotel looked very modern and first class from the outside and was filled with Western and Asian tourists from all around the world. We were shown to the room for two nights that looked just fine. Beds, bathroom with toilet, sink and bathtub…joy of joys.

Turned on the sink to wash hands. Water ran from under the sink all over my feet and floor. Look under the sink. Of course! There are no pipes connected to anything. No problem…this we have dealt with before. Just let the water run in dribbles and keep feet out of the way.

Bathtub next. Start the hot water, let it run. About one inch of hot water accumulates before the water turns ice cold. Again, no problem. Get in, sponge myself off in lukewarm water and get out. Pull out plug. Water pours out all over the bathroom floor. Scream for ex-Marine (husband, Steve) to get his *#* into the bathroom to help solve this problem. He leans on the bathtub…and… the tub moves! This lightweight, fiberglass bathtub is as worthless as……(fill in the blank)….. with a drain hole for show only and is not a properly working bathtub. There is no plumbing connected from the drain hole in the bottom. The water from this bathtub (tell me…when have you every seen a full-size, moveable bathtub) eventually drain into a floor hole on the opposite side of the toilet.

Call down to the front desk. No one speaks English. Send ex-Marine down to front desk who comes back with a report…”All the rooms in the hotel do the same thing.” NOW, I think we have seen everything.